The choices of my past scare me. They scare me because I worry I will repeat painful cycles.
There is a desperation inside of me to create a new definition for my life.
My inner critic often invades my mind + heart to the point I feel incapable. If I made a poor choice in the past, I beat myself up instead of reminding myself that I am perfectly imperfect.
Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow fear, insecurity, and self-doubt to overshadow our growth? Why do we allow that voice inside of us to control how we see ourselves?
- Fear of the future
- Insecure about abilities
- A lack of self-forgiveness
- Caring what others think
- Getting too comfortable/settling
- Negative Self-talk
These are all factors that many of us struggle with and can cause us to doubt ourselves. I have moments where I get anxious about not being where I want to be in life instead of meeting myself where I am.
Finding ways to overcome and defy my inner-mean-girl or my inner critic helps me to tackle self-awareness which is an important aspect in self-love. I am constantly reminding myself that I have so much to be proud of. I try to focus on gratitude at all times, but it’s takes facing my doubt head on, which hurts.
There is pain in my self-love.
My inner critic is not something I run away from. I have been focusing on running toward this voice and remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time. Instead of trying to ignore that voice, I am telling myself:
- My doubt is only a barrier
- Any failure is a lesson not a defeat
- My faith should overpower my fear
I am more than my past.
In moments where I am feeling fearful of the future, insecure about my status, and doubtful of my capabilities, here are 5 things that I do to mute my inner-critic:
1. Prayers Up
Prayer, just like self-love is not always pretty. When we are struggling, feeling insecure and doubtful, most often we turn to unhealthy remedies to cure our pain. Praying, devotion, and prioritizing my spirituality have helped me channel my negative vibes on the one who loves me most, my God.
Praying, which I often do when I am meditating, helps me to focus on the here and now, and listen to the voice inside of me that is rooted in wisdom, not fear. Praying has always allowed me to feel grounded and centered in where I am in the moment and find the gratitude in every space.
When was the last time you prayed? There is no right or wrong way to pray. Come as you are.
2. Tribe Vibes
In the past when I was at a low moment, I would isolate myself from everyone. Transparency was not something that was a value to me. Being transparent in my pain gives me an elevated confidence. Having a tribe of mentors, family and friends, and a community to share my doubts with has brought me closer toward healing.
Today I affirm: I deserve to be surrounded by those who love and support me.
By not hiding in my hurt and disclosing my pain to the people who are closest to me, I am reminded that we are so much more powerful when we lean on others. If you are seeking a safe-space, join my virtual support group of women who are “Unique. Unashamed. Unapologetic.”, The H.O.E. Truth (Healing Over Everything™), and join a tribe built on self-love, women empowerment and healing. Click here to learn more The H.O.E. Truth VIRTUAL SUPPORT GROUP.
3. The power of music
When my inner-critic is coming for my heart + mind, it’s the little things that help to get me out of my funk. We all have those things that immediately make us joyful. For me, my daughters smile, dancing in my living-room, girls night, singing in my shower, taking a detox tea baths, and meditation are some of my favorite activities that give me positive vibes.
One of my favorite quotes is “At times I fit into lyrics more than I fit into life.” For me, that is most of the time. I am able to connect with song lyrics in a way that has always been impactful to my mood.
When I put my daughter to sleep, you can find me in my living room with the lights off, listening to artists who uplift and inspire like Jessie Reyez, Kehlani, and Alessia Cara. If you are feeling insecure, lonely, and doubtful, please listen to “Bright” by Kehlani. https://youtu.be/qEnXFLsoBxA This song reminds me that I am perfect just the way I am.
4. Write it Out
Writing in my journals has been a part of my life since grade school. It has always been a positive self-care practice that has stuck with me and.When I write down my pain I am being transparent with myself. Writing also allows me to look back on where I was in another time in my life. I can always go back a re-read my words to help me reflect on where I have grown and where I still need to heal.
Healing Over Everything
Gratitude journals, success logs, positive affirmations, and writing down inspirational lyrics and poetry are all therapeutic ways to help you defy your doubt.
5. Inspirational feed
Lately, I have been making sure that the things that I see on social media are bringing me positive vibes only. I have been blocking bullshit and setting boundaries with who I allow in my virtual spaces. I have been watching preachers, artists and poets on YouTube who deliver inspiring messages. Below are 3 of my favorite YouTube videos that have helped me in times of self-doubt:
- Pastor Michael Todd of the Transformation Church, speaks about the truth behind Relationship Goals which is giving our sexuality to God (to watch all 8 videos click HERE)
- Poet Jae Nichelle an undergraduate at Tulane University in New Orleans who is giving life to the reality of anxiety in her poem “Friends With Benefits.” (Subscribe to Jae’s YouTube page HERE)
- Award Winning Actor, Artist, and Public Speaker Will Smith has been talking about Failure for sometime, but this short clip sums up how we all need to look at failure instead of being afraid of it. (Subscribe to Will Smith on YouTube HERE)
My journey is my own, but I believe that when we are transparent in our self-love and share the beauty and the pain of our truth, we grow stronger together.
Share your hurt. Reflect on your past. Don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Be grateful. Live your truth. Be transparent in your pain. Make the time to do things to take care of you.
It’s impossible to never have doubts but learning what YOU must do to mute your inner-critic; to learn what helps you push forward and not fall back into toxic habits, this is what makes you stronger in your doubt.