Your Self-care is Bullshit

I am so sick of the self-care bullshit. With no thanks to Instagram and all of social media, we are drowning in a sea of one type of self-care. Pretty feeds filled with images of facials, masks, bubble baths, manicures, and full-face makeup with a caption that reads, “happy #selfcaresunday” and #selfcare.

PSA: pampering is not the only type of self-care there is …

In fact, physical self-care is not the only type of self-care and pampering is “to treat with extreme and excessive care,” according to Merriam-Webster. Pampering activities include treating yourself and indulging in food, beauty, food, shopping, and leisure. If you search for self-care on Pinterest, Google, or Instagram, you will more than likely see pampering only.

Yes pampering is a type of physical self-care activity; it can be glamourous and it feels good, but it is also the easiest to market and overindulge in. Some are addicted to pampering and when overconsumed, you can neglect the other things that you need.

Self-care misunderstanding

One of the branches of self-love is self-care, which is “giving your mind, body, and soul what you need every day, no matter what,” Christine Arylo, the founder of the Path of Self-love. Self-love challenges the belief that “pampering myself is the same as loving myself. If I do all the ‘right’ things to take care of myself, I am loving myself,” Christine Arylo.

Here is the truth, an overindulgence in pampering can hinder your self-love journey like a wearing a band-aid for too long can hinder a wound from healing properly; you have to let it breathe eventually.

Self-love is not something you do on ‘special occasions’ or schedule at the spa and its not a checklist.

Christine Arylo, Path of Self-love

If all you are doing is pampering yourself, you are missing out on self-care.

Pampering feels good, yes, but even someone who looks like they take care of themselves on the outside may not be pouring the same attention to what they need on the inside.


  • can feel good but can also be tough or difficult at times
  • pleasurable and nourishing you
  • may not always be something you want to do
  • without it you would not be well (mental health, physical health, emotional health
  • has many categories, including (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, practical, and social)


  • things you always want to do
  • always fun + enjoyable
  • without it, you would be fine
  • outer “beauty”
  • if you did it all the time, the social, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual struggles that you have would still be neglected

There is nothing wrong with pampering as long as it is not OVERINDULGENCE AND replacing the other types of self-care.

Often times, self-care is doing those things that you don’t necessarily we want to do, but without them, we are anxious, depressed, malnourished, and burnt out. We do self-care to be well. Self-care is a verb and to have nourishment physically, mentally, and spiritually, you have to do something.

Please understand that I paint my nails, I wear makeup (not daily); I love going getting a pedicure, massage or a facial, but I also give myself the nourishment that I need to sustain my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body like going to therapy, expressing my thoughts and feelings, and meditating.

Self-care Truth

Self-care is more than what you want, it’s what your mind, body, and soul needs to be well. A massage, whether given to yourself or by someone else is something that is physically and mentally stimulating and allows your muscles to relax. We all need relaxation but you do not need nail polish on your nails. Brushing your teeth, cutting your nails; washing, cleaning, and moisturizing your skin are requirements in order to maintain hygienic wellness but putting on makeup does nothing beneficial for your skin.

Here are the other types of self-care you should consider:

  • social self-care
  • practical self-care
  • emotional/psychological self-care
  • physical self-care
  • spiritual self-care

To learn more these types of self-care, visit Are You Neglecting Yourself: The 6 Types of Self-care You Need. Pampering is not the only type of physical care you can prioritize and it does not replace the other types of self-care you need as well.

I am here for your heart.

2020, Ta’lor L. Pinkston, The Heart Advocate

18 thoughts on “Your Self-care is Bullshit

  1. Damn, this is good stuff, Ta’lor! I never thought of it this way, but what you’re saying makes so much sense and I see why it’s important for us to note the difference between pampering and self-care. Thank you for sharing such powerful insights through this blog!

    1. Thank you Kelly for reading. It means so much to me that you see the value in this discussion. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Thank you Queen! I so appreciate you and your love + support. You speak truth about the maintenance.

  2. I absolutely love this. The point o view you wrote it from is so intriguing – I never thought to look at self care this way, I definitely will be now on.

    1. YES YES YESSSSS! Thank you for having such an open mind and heart . I am so here for it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me

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