Self-love is so powerful but so is self-hate. Most of us are born into environments that are rooted in self-hate; trauma, neglect, generational curses, poverty, fat-shaming, beauty shaming, imbalanced gender roles, hyper masculinity, abuse, racism, prejudice and discrimination.
Our environments directly impact how we love or do not love ourselves. Self-hate is the internal bullying that occurs within our minds that makes us feel like we are unworthy. In order to know how to stand up and combat self-hate, we must first understand these bullies and how they help us hate on ourselves. Here are the five Inner Bullies and how you can stand up to them with self-love:
Bully 1: Self-doubt
One of the most common ways that we bully ourselves is by doubting our ability + choices. Self-doubt reminds us that we failed and that failure causes us to believe that we are incapable of succeeding. Self-doubt is the type of bully who does not care that you successfully accomplished goals and that you overcame barriers. She will always focus on the negative to keep you in that space with her so you don’t take risks on yourself . She loves company and she really loves a pity party.
You were created with purpose, but self-doubt thy will try their hardest to tell you that you are not good enough. In order to stand up to this bully, you must remind yourself of all you are; every ability, success, accomplishment and area in your life that you have mastered hardship. Self-doubt hates when you praise yourself, so do that. Praise and celebrate your strengths instead of focusing on those areas you struggle.
Bully 2: Fear
Everyone is a afraid of something, and there are valid reasons for our fears. Fear can be a good defense mechanism to help us protect ourselves, but when our fear becomes obsessive, then our fear turns into a bully that haunts us. Our past traumas, loneliness, and failures, these are the things that make us anxious and throughout life we are triggered.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.Marianne Williamson
The only way to face this bully is to face them. Whatever you are afraid of, you must face it and continue to move forward in your fear. Don’t run away from those things that you are afraid of, whether it is a fear of disappointing others, a fear of failing, a fear of being alone, or a fear of imperfection; the only way to stand up to the this bully is to experience disappointing others, failure, loneliness, and being imperfect. Everyone fails sometimes; we all get lonely, and NO ONE IS PERFECT, so stop trying to live your life without ever disappointing someone.
Face your bully; face your fears.
Bully 3: Insecurity
Our insecurities are not our own. We are born confident and our environment impacts our self-esteem and cause us to believe we are less than. We are insecure because we are listening to the echo of the people who mad us feel like we don’t compare. When we internalize insecurity it manifests into comparison toward anyone who has what we don’t. The amount of time that we spend focusing on what others have is overwhelming. The envy, jealousy, and idolization of celebrity, fame, and status are so prevalent in the glorification of social media that we are struggling to be grateful for all we have and our own ability.
You were created with purpose and the bully of insecurity will tell you that you don’t measure up, that you are not good enough, and that you will never have or be like the person(s) you are comparing yourself too. Stand up to insecurity by knowing your strengths, talents, and gifts. Be mindful and know what you bring to the table because it is unique because NO ONE IS LIKE YOU.
You have the juice sis.
Bully 4: Shame
What are you ashamed of? What are you blaming yourself for? We all have shame and things that we blame ourselves for. None of us are perfect and make mistakes, but shame and blame hold us hostage … The shame is dating blame and they are on a mission to make you hide. They remind you of that time that you humiliated yourself, let someone down, or made a choice that had painful consequences. They will try to make you feel like you are a bad person and that your family, friends, and even society will not accept you.
Stand up to this pair by expressing your pain. No more hiding from yourself; be honest with yourself and release by accepting your choices. Shine your light in every room you walk into and BE TRANSPARENT; this is how you silence this bully duo. Transparency always helps relieve shame because you are no longer allowing those things to have power over you.
Bully 5: Guilt + Blame
Like the shaming bully, guilt and blame wants you to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. No one is perfect and error is normal. We all deserve the grace + compassion that we extend to others every day. Guilt will not give you the space to be kind to yourself because they want you to be reminded of what you have done.
You can stand up to this bully with self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Be compassionate with yourself for those choices you have made that impacted your life in a negative way. Forgive yourself for those choices and remind yourself that in that moment, you were making the decision you thought you should. YOU WERE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN. Replace the guilt with compassion.
The Heart Advocate is dedicated to the hearts of every women. Her mission is to help women defy shame, guilt, insecurity, fear, and self-doubt with self-love. When a woman becomes her own Heart Advocate and knows her worth she is powerful.
If you would like to become a Heart Advocate and commit to never settling again, click HERE.