College life is difficult and one of the biggest lessons I learned in college was how I operated in intimate relationships. Helping college kids navigate through the different type of relationships including FWB (friend-with-benefits) is something I am passionate about because I started college with big expectations of what dating in college would be like and I experienced a complete culture shock with FWBs with college guys. Here is an excerpt of the article I wrote for College Mate:
Most of those expectations were based on what I knew about high school boys; and college boys were supposed to be even better! I fully expected to find my college sweetheart, and live “happily ever after”.
Instead, what I found was that most college guys had one goal: to get you in bed. They would use every pick-up line, and give every compliment, just to trick you into dropping by their dorm room to “watch a movie.”
I found myself repeating this cycle until one day, I had to face the truth. I cried as I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized I was still single and lonely. I wanted a boyfriend, not casual sex.
Ladies, don’t be fooled, as I was. As freshman females, you are the fresh meat on a college campus.
College guys love to check out the new girls coming in, and it can be difficult to navigate between the upperclassmen who want a relationship and those who just want a “friend with benefits”.
Here are the warning signs to look out for, so you can decode the bro code, and find out if he’s up to no good.
Netflix and Chill
“Want to come over and watch a movie?” he asked. I never thought I could be so gullible. I remember laying in my dorm, staring at my phone, hoping he called. When he finally did, I was so excited.
I thought he had asked me out on a mini-date. I used to watch movies with guys I dated in high school all the time. The difference is, your mother or father are not on your campus with you…
When I got there, he actually put on a movie (sometimes, they don’t!). And like most girls, I jumped ahead of myself, thinking that he wanted to be my boyfriend; and how we would get married. I even wondered if our future kids would look like him, or me.
I never thought that I would give more than just my company, but I did! As the movie ended – that neither of us watched – he got up, turned the lights on, and told me that he had to get up really early and needed to get some sleep.,
“You want me to walk you back to your dorm?” he asked. I was so humiliated. After turning his offer down, I slowly gathered my things and left.
If the Flirting Stops…
Guys that just want to get you in their beds will say or do anything to get your goodies – except give you a title of girlfriend.
My freshman year, I met a guy in the Student Union. He was an upperclassmen and a starter on the football team. This guy would see me from a distance and start shouting my name; screaming that he needed me and telling me to hit him up.
After weeks of chasing me down, flirting, and compliments, I gave in; and invited him to hang out in my dorm with me. I realized, immediately, that he had no desire to be anything more than a friend with benefits! He was just saying everything I wanted to hear so he could get me alone and hook up.
How does he communicate with you?
There are so many forms of communication. Texting and direct messaging (DM) are quick ways to reach out, or get to know new people. During your freshman year, you are constantly making new connections.
Most new friends give their number, saying “Text me!” or they ask if you are on Snapchat, Instagram, or Facebook. Many relationships start this way, especially on a college campus. There are so many people, and sometimes you don’t see someone again for weeks, depending on how big or small your campus is.
I once met a guy on campus who asked for my number, and all he would do was text me or ‘hit me up’ on Facebook. Of course, most of his conversations were about chilling at night.
If a guy is texting you at 10PM or later, it’s a booty call! However, the most important aspect of a conversation is the content. Guys are deliberate about what they want. He might sugarcoat it with compliments and kind words, but if he only wants what is in your pants, it won’t take long for him to mention it.
Does he claim you?
When a guy makes his claim, this is when you know the relationship has been confirmed. This is not about ownership. It’s about not being afraid to own up to his connection with you, as his girlfriend.
On college campuses, it shows that he is not ashamed of you. But why would he be ashamed?
There was this guy, my freshman year, who would only hit me up at night. I never met any of his friends, unless they were at his apartment, when I arrived for a “booty call”. He asked me to keep our relationship quiet.
If you are told to keep your relationship on the down-low, he is likely sleeping with other girls and doesn’t want them to find out. Even the biggest campuses are small, especially with social media.
So, if he is claiming you on campus by walking around with you during the day, eating lunch together in the Student Union, or by attending campus events together, he more than likely wants more out of your relationship than just casual sex.
Link to full article: Decoding the Bro-code: One Night Stand or Long-term Girlfriend?
I am overjoyed about COLLEGE MATE publishing my article for their March Monthly Writing Contest. Please check out my article, Like, Share, Comment, Re-blog!!!!! I seek to uplift, empower, and challenge women to be the best versions of themselves.
13 thoughts on “Decoding the Bro Code: One Night Stand or Long-term Girlfriend?”
So real and true about young college guys..
they are just after a good time …
And we girls are so gullible and trustworthy..
That its so easy to be fooled into thinking they want more..
That’s what inexperienced and being naive is about..
I do hope this article will reach some of these freshman girls and teach them and make them aware of how devious and devilish these guys are..
So sorry 😐 that you had to experience such behavior.. and I hope 🤞 it didn’t discourage you or give any low esteem..
It’s really a very good article to get featured in the contest..
Very motivational… informative…
thanks for sharing
What kind words. Thank you so much. It is really easy to be fooled. But in all honesty, I don’t blame guys. We as women can be pretty devious when it comes to relationships, it just that the majority of women have a different goal: love, marriage, kids. And we aim to do it young. Most men take so long to get there (I could talk about this for hours).
I definitely had my moments of insecurity. I think we all do at times.
Only wish some of our girls wise up to the charms and wiles of these devils in disguise..
Men can always manipulate girl Everytime.. they were born with that skill..
And some girls get really damaged by their behaviors..
it’s all a learning process I guess…
And your article is a good eye opener for some of these unsuspecting girls….
I really hope it is. Thank you so much for the dialogue. I really appreciate your feedback and support!
How could you not? It’s not about looks, body type, intelligence, income…. if Halle Berry can get cheated on….
until they are ready, guys are just not ready. So we as LADYS, have to be the deciders.
If you are sleeping with a guy and you catch feelings, and he is not on the same page, walk away! Don’t keep sleeping with him!
Try not sleeping with someone until you know their intentions, if you want a relationship.
And if you like one night stands, wear a condom!
it really all comes down to us ladies.. always..
Most guys that age .. has no conscience.. no emotional feelings.. cold and mean.. and even can be downright nasty…
And they can be very convincing when they want something…
And some girls are really so naive and super sensitive.. and easily fall for their sweet words…
and get emotionally attached..
and not prepared for guys like those….
It’s all hindsight to some after the fact
Exactly. That was me for sure. It’s all about learning growing. It took me making the same mistakes over and over to realize m true worth, and even now, I fall short!
Great article. Many good point worth considering. ☺
Thank you so much for reading!!!!!
Great piece! Congratulations on having your work published! You are spot on about freshman girls being the “fresh meat” on college campuses. It is awful to see in action. A lot of dudes don’t even try to be creative anymore.
Thank you so very much. Thanks for reading as we. Guys don’t even have to try, the standards have been dropped. It’s all about attention now…girls just give it away, for a meal in the student union…
This is what I am trying to change!